Spirituality & Buddhist Jokes

Practically every person who has ever looked into psychotherapy, spirituality or medicine understands the healing properties of smiling, laughter and humor. It's a well known scientific fact, and I don't feel it's necessary to explain the topic when it's already been done by countless others, so let's skip straight to the laughing part...

When asked what he wanted for his birthday the Yogi replied, "I wish for no gifts, only presence."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

What do you call a schizophrenic Buddhist? Someone who is at two with the universe.

How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but only if the light bulb really wants to change.

How many Zen masters does is take to change a light bulb? None, there is no light bulb. http://bit.ly/HuangPo

The waffle company created a product for Buddhists. The slogan is "Leggo my ego."

The spiritual student walked up to a hotdog stand and said "Make me one with everything."

Heard about the new Buddhist vacuum cleaner? It comes with no attachments.

Nisargadatta Maharaj loved animals and even made a pet food product called "IAMS Cat". http://bit.ly/IAmThat

Nisargadatta Maharaj wrote a Broadway play called "Thats", but it had no story.

People thought there were 2 lake monsters, but actually there's only one-ness.

Sorry, I didn't mean for my karma to run over your dogma.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

What's the difference between Peace and Nirvana? Peace became popular in the 60's and Nirvana became popular in the 90's.

What's Krishna's favorite video game? Gita Hero. http://bit.ly/Gita

Meditation - It's better than sitting around and doing nothing.

I hear that the classic fable by Aesop is being rewritten with a religious twist. The new version is called "The Torahtoise and the Hare Krishna."

Feel free to comment and add your own! :)

Love That Actually Works

Love is not the emotional and physical kind that most people know it as.
Love is not a fluctuating unstable negative emotion.
Love is not greed, possession, owning, attachment, neediness, desire, infatuation, lust, craving, addiction, jealousy, anger, control, blame, guilt, or judgmentalism.
These are all selfish attributes, so it's not really love at all.
That which is selfish can't be love because love is selfless.
True happiness will never form in a relationship based on those things.
You cannot have or own another person when we are all free.

Love is good intent. Love is service. Love is selfless. Love is devotion.
Love is respect. Love is kindness. Love is compassion. Love is good will.
Love is forgiveness. Love is acceptance. Love is tolerance. Love is neutrality.
Love is unconditional. Love is non-selective. Love is all-encompassing.
Love is pure. Love is Divine. Love is Eternal.

Love is a way of being in the world.
It's the full blown radical forgiveness and acceptance of absolutely everything, as it is right now in this very moment, always.

Love is an INFINITE resource.
It cannot be exhausted or used up.
The more you give, the more you are able to give.
The more you love, the more you can, and everybody has to start with where they are right now.

Love should not be given because you expect something in return.
It is done out of selflessness (the absence of self).
It's not about getting. It's about giving with no thought of reward.
Not even a "thank you" should be needed or expected because that's neediness.
"It is more blessed to give than to receive."
Love for the sake of loving.

Neediness often pushes other people away.
Relationships "fail" because people are searching outwardly for happiness and love.
Relationships fail to work because we're trying to get, gain and obtain love.
We are meant to share and give the happiness and love that we ALREADY ARE, with others.
In doing so, it grows constantly and continuously within the one who is giving and sharing it.
Love is then experienced by being it yourself.
Love is experienced from within, which means the source of it is WITHIN, when it's chosen.
Love is not an outside source. It's already inside you.
You make love happen to yourself by loving others and by being love yourself.

We give and share the happiness and love that we are by simply BEING it.
When we choose to be it, it's automatically being shared with others.
Doesn't the energy of a room suddenly change when a particular person enters it?
"Everything is energy." It doesn't require any "doing". Just be love/peace.
In becoming a better person yourself (losing the selfish self), you will be helping all others (and yourself) in turn.

There is no longer a "special" individual to love when all is loved equally and unconditionally.
When all is equal nobody is "more important" than anybody else.
Real Love is all-encompassing.
It's not selective, choosy, picky, fussy, judgemental, or discriminatory.
Real love, when unobstructed by false individual opinions, beliefs, perceptions, thought processes and emotionalism is unconditional and non-selective, no matter what.
No matter what.

That's why this is love that actually works!
And that's the difference between Divine Love and emotional love.

Zen Biology Lesson for Enlightenment

The heart pumps blood all by itself without you doing it.
The lungs breathe air all by themselves without you doing it.
The brain associates concepts with other concepts all by itself.

The mind is thinking (randomly babbling) completely on its own.

Let's look inside for just a brief minute...
How long can you keep the mind completely silent?
If you try to stop thinking, it just starts right back up again.
Words, verbalization, thoughts, thinking, and emotionalism are completely automatic.
You can't stop it by controlling it, but you can (eventually) stop it by non-judgmentally watching it.
The brain works completely by itself.
It has nothing to do with "you" doing it.
This means that you are not the doer of deeds, nor the thinker of thoughts.
The mind/body is an "it", not a "me".

The brain's thoughts and body's actions are just the result of cells doing work.

We are not the physical body/mind and its senses.
We are not the mind and its automatic rambling thoughts.

We are the still, conceptless, silent Awareness that is aware of them.
We are the Awareness that is watching the body/mind's automatic functioning.
We are the Silent Formless Observer.
We are the Life/Consciousness/Awareness that is simply aware of Itself as existing.

We have mistakenly identified ourselves as being the physical mind/body.
We have mistakenly identified ourselves with form.
It was an erroneous belief all along.

The real "you", the Silent Aware Mind, is not confined to a brain, or anything else.
It's Infinitely Everything beyond physicality.
It's the (formless) Allness of Existence.
It's No-Thing, yet Infinitely Everything.

But thinking about that won't help you realize/experience that.
You have to stop identifying with thoughts altogether to realize that.

Extreme Forgiveness & Acceptance for Enlightenment

Forgiveness is an aspect of acceptance/love/peace/truth.
Resentment is an aspect of hatred/emotionalism/negativity/falsehood.

Forgiveness brings utter peace and serenity of mind.
Resentment brings inner turmoil and suffering.

Which do you choose? And when? And how often?
It's totally up to you.

Acceptance/forgiveness means choosing to see the absolute perfection and beauty in everything.
Everything/everyone is currently operating at it's own level of awareness and/or evolution.
Everyone/everything is what it is right now because that's what it needs to learn, or un-learn.
People are what they are, and make mistakes, beause they really don't know otherwise (or they don't want to know otherwise).
If they REALLY knew otherwise, they would ALREADY be otherwise.

If there's full blown radical forgiveness/acceptance of absolutely everything, then...
there's nothing to judge,
there's nothing to discriminate against,
there's nothing to condemn,
there's nothing to criticize,
there's nothing to label,
there's nothing to describe,
there's nothing to define,
there's nothing to interpret,
there's nothing to translate,
there's nothing to suppose,
there's nothing to explain,
there's nothing to say,
there's nothing to talk about,
there's nothing to expound upon,
there's nothing to express an opinion about,
there's no thing to make into something,
there's nothing to express a belief about,
there's nothing to emotionalize about,
there's nothing to worry about,
there's nothing to fear,
there's nothing to rationalize,
there's nothing to determine,
there's nothing to hypothesize,
there's nothing to complicate,
there's nothing to solve,
there's nothing to manipulate,
there's nothing to get confused about,
there's nothing to distort,
there's nothing to change,
there's nothing to force,
there's nothing to set right,
there's nothing to fix,
there's nothing to resolve,
there's nothing to alter,
there's nothing to modify,
there's nothing to seek,
there's nothing to search for,
there's nothing to learn,
there's nothing to get,
there's nothing to lose,
there's nothing to gain,
there's nothing to do,
there's nothing to want,
there's nothing to desire,
there's nothing to obtain,
there's nothing to intellectualize,
there's nothing to conceptualize,
there's nothing to verbalize,
there's nothing to communicate,
there's nothing to babble on about,
there's nothing to say,
there's nothing to declare,
there's nothing to communicate,
there's nothing to articulate,
there's nothing to perceive,
and there's nothing to think about at all.

Man, talk about peace of mind.
That's absolute bliss.

Everything just IS, nothing more.
Existence just Is. Reality just Is. Life just Is.
Anything else is a distortion of Reality/Truth.

Nobody to Blame

Let's start by stating a bold claim that you've probably never heard before. Upon first hearing this claim, you'll most likely think it to be ridiculous and absurd, but by the end of this article, you'll see the utterly obvious truth of it, and you'll never look at the world the same way again. Are you ready for it? Here it is…

There is no cause of anything.

That's right. Nothing "causes" anything else to happen… ever. Now let me explain why.

As an example, let's say that a man needs milk, and he walks several blocks to the corner store to buy it. After purchasing the milk he begins his walk home, but while crossing the street there's a drunk driver that doesn't notice the stop sign at the intersection where the man is crossing. At the very last second the drunk driver slams on his breaks, but it's too late, and he hits the man crossing the street.

Now, with our current mindset, the vast majority of people would automatically say that the drunk driver "caused" this to happen. Or did he?

If we just take a step back in the way we perceive things, we could just as easily say that the man was hit by that drunk driver because cars were invented. Or because the wheel was invented. Or because of the development of technology. Or because somebody figured out how to make pavement for driving on.

Maybe the man was hit because of his neediness for milk. Or because his wife sent him to the store. Or because of his wife's enjoyment of breakfast cereal. Maybe it's because people drink milk. Or perhaps it happened because cows exist.

Maybe it happened because the man chose to live in the exact location that he does. Or maybe it was because that was the only house on the market that he could afford, and he could only afford that house because of the job he has, and he has that job because he dropped out of high school.

Maybe he was hit by the drunk driver because of the precise speed in which the man walks, and the exact time he got there. Or because he had to stop to re-tie his shoe lace that had come undone. Or because he didn't tie them properly when he first left his house. Or because he chose to wear that specific pair of shoes to walk to the store. Or because he chose to buy those exact shoes. Or because he could only afford those shoes.

Maybe it's because the city chose to install a stop sign instead of traffic lights. Or because stop signs aren't twice as big. Or because they're not fluorescent yellow.

What if the whole incident happened because the man decided to walk to the store instead of driving? Or what if it was because the store was built at that location? Or because the owner of the store decided that was a good place to set up shop?

Perhaps it was because the drunk driver was born. Or because the man buying milk was born. Or because either of the men's parents had sex. Or because his parent's parents had sex. Or because any of these people ever met each other in the first place.

What if it was because the human species evolved in the manner that it did? Or because life came to be on the planet? Or maybe it was because of the "big bang" (if that's how it happened). Maybe it's because the physical universe exists.

It might have been because of the location of the bar that the drunk driver was drinking at. Or because the drunk driver had to be home at a certain time. Or because the drunk driver had to work in the morning. Or because his taste buds like the taste of alcohol. Or because he's not able to overcome his addiction despite all of his efforts. Or because nobody has taken him to an AA meeting.

The drunk driver may certainly be irresponsible, and maybe he lacks proper judgment, but that certainly isn't "the cause". It's only one tiny minute reason out of a literally infinite and unending number of factors within all of existence. There is no end to the amount of circumstances that come into play, and not a single one of them is the cause of anything else.

So let us repeat the lesson learned… There is no cause of anything… ever. There are only automatic effects and consequences. Everything is happening of its own, as a spontaneous result.

Most importantly of all, if there is no cause of anything, there is nothing and nobody to blame for anything, and if there is nothing to blame, then there is absolutely nothing to be angry about. Everything just is what it is, and we have no choice but to accept it. No matter what's happing in the universe, it's perfect, and it can't possibly be anything but. This understanding literally forces us to fully accept absolutely everything as it is. There is nothing to complain about and we have no choice but to forgive everybody for everything they have ever done, no matter what that might have been.

What a person does, and chooses, is determined by what a person is, and what they are is determined by what they are aware of. Everybody is exactly what they are currently aware of, and what they are currently aware of is based upon an infinite number of factors.

We might all be learning from "mistakes", but at least we can all be at peace (of mind) with each other as life unfolds. The whole concept of causation is an entirely false ingrained perception that is in everybody's best interest to let go of. If everybody had this understanding, we would have total world peace because nobody would be acting out of anger, blame, resentment, hate, or fear. Everybody would fully accept, forgive, respect, and love all of life for what it is. And we would no longer need lawyers.

The Cure Already Exists

Most of my blog posts have been on the topics of truth, love, and especially Spiritual Enlightenment, but for a moment I'm going to step outside of that because I also have some highly important lower levels of truth to share as well that also have the ability to end a great deal of humanity's suffering.

Over the last several years I've come to some profound realizations on the topics of health and healing. But they're only profound in their simplicity, and in that they contradict many of our current so-called "health truths". Now that I have this much higher understanding I feel it's my responsibility and duty to share this information with others. So, without wasting your time, here it is...

There's an endless amount of contradictory health information out there, but the truth is that being healthy is far simpler than we've come to believe. Health and healing is not the gigantic complicated mess we think it is.

This is the key to perfect health, and the absence of disease... There is nothing new about health. It has been around forever. Organic nutrition and life sustaining energy have been around for millenia. Natural organic nutrition has been supporting life for eons.

The answer to health cannot be invented because it already exits. The "search for the cure" is really quite futile and pointless because the placebo effect (positive peaceful emotions), and natural organic nutrition, are the answer to health. See how profoundly simple that is? But let me explain further...

The simple fact is that disease doesn't happen because we have a deficiency of a man-made drug.

Which of these speaks to the cells of your body?

Pharmaceuticals don't (or can't) address the 5 basic mechanisms of disease:
1. Cellular inflammation (Solution: nutrients)
2. Cellular oxidation (Solution: antioxidants)
3. Lack of cellular energy (Solution: voltage/pH/alkalinity)
4. Cellular toxicity (Solution: natural organic foods & pure clean water)
5. Poor cellular communication (Solution: all of the above)

As you can see, "food is the best medicine" because it does address all of these. But positive peaceful thoughts, emotions, opinions, beliefs, and attitudes have a huge effect on all 5 as well. Cells heal themselves when properly edified.

Your body is a collective community of co-operating cells. That's several trillion individual living things all working together harmoniously. Every single one of those cells is doing the best job it can, at all times. The human body is a self-healing mechanism; that's all it does! 24 hours a day it's protecting, healing, repairing, regenerating, and rebuilding. But (and this is a big but) its ability to do that more effectively and thoroughly depends upon our lifestyle choices. This is because our cells are either in protective mode, or growth mode. It's one or the other. Cells can't do both at the same time. It's like you trying to walk forwards and backwards at the same time.

So, health is the body's natural state when the cells aren't stressed. The body's natural state is balance, harmony, ease, and peace. If the source of health issues is removed, the body can then heal itself. Simply remove the stress from one's lifestyle, and provide the body energy, and the cells/body heals itself.

Because the body is at all times healing itself, diseases never happen randomly, or for no reason. All health issues, serious or minor, always happen for very specific reasons. All degenerative diseases, physical or mental, no matter the name, are the result of just one thing... STRESS on the body's cells (the brain/mind is made of cells too). Having stressed out malfunctioning cells will naturally lead to disease.

Having healthy cells equals overall bodily health. And having stressed out unhealthy dysfunctional cells means the body has disease. Every single health issue, no matter the name, comes down to cellular health. Cells constantly subjected to physical, emotional, and energetic stress become dysfunctional. And this dysfunction equates to "dis-ease" because the cells/body are no longer at ease. Now do you see where the word "disease" came from, and what it truly means?

Now here's another biggie... Unnatural substances ("toxins"), a nutrient deficiency, and stressful negative emotions are what stress the cells. Practically all degenerative diseases are because of at least one of these 3 things. Headaches, backaches, arthritis, cancer, obesity, diabetes, alzheimer's... it's all cellular dysfunction due to stress. This small list of diseases is barely even scratching the surface. If a person has any type of health issue at all, it's because of some sort of stress on the cells of the body.

Biologically, energy is something that provides vitality and life. If the body had no energy, it wouldn't be alive. If the cells had no energy, they wouldn't be alive. Degenerative diseases (including the cold and flu) are the result of a lack of energy at the cellular level. Having "a weak immune system" means that our cells lack the energy and strength to eliminate intruders. A person doesn't get sick (cold & flu) unless their "immune system" (cells) is weak and stressed out.

It doesn't even matter what the name of the health problem is. To heal, stressful negatives must be let go of, and positives adopted. This is a universal truth of physical life that will never change.

The body heals itself when given all of the proper raw materials to make new healthy cells. If this is done, even severely and chronically ill patients can heal. Fix the cells and EVERYTHING else is fixed because the body IS a community of cells. Every health problem is a perfect representation of how healthy, or unhealthy, our individual cells are.

Both preventing and healing disease is the exact same process. Preventing is giving the cells/body the proper materials to REMAIN healthy. Healing is giving the cells/body the proper materials to BECOME healthy. Whether it be for preventing or healing, the cells require the exact same materials. There's absolutely no difference between preventing and healing. And so we use the saying: "Stop fighting disease. Embrace Health."

I personally use, highly recommend, and sell, an all-in-one nutrient product called FrequenSea. Every single nutrient that the human body needs for perfect optimal cellular functioning and health is in this one highly concentrated liquid juice product. And if you fully grasped this blog post, then you'll understand that the health benefits of using this product are "profound", "miraculous", or even "impossible" to the average person that doesn't yet "get it". The only catch... it must accompany a healthy diet and a healthy positive attitude towards life. Otherwise you're just counteracting all the good that those nutrients/energy are doing.

After that, once your brain cells are healthier and your mind is clearer and more calm, then you might begin to be interested in deeper spiritual matters and perhaps even Enlightenment. But that's totally up to you.

Who/What is a Buddha?

No individuality,
no relativity,
no duality,
no personal self,
no individual me,
no selfish mine,
no thoughts,
no mind,
no I.

Those who are free of all notions are called Buddhas.